Maxine Harley explains why this could be so:-
“We all have two distinct aspects of our mind - our conscious mind and our sub-conscious mind.
The former deals with our day to day rational/cognitive decision-making, and the reviewing and judging of the past, and planning for the future.
The latter is the more powerful and influential mind that is running our life over 90% of the time - outside of our awareness!
We know that when we dream our brain is still working hard with creating the images, themes and stories that we experience; and we would all agree that this cannot be the product of our waking cognitive and rational mind.
The difficulties we experience in life can often be associated with our sub-conscious mindset and our core belief system, which we will have had for many years. We will not have been aware of this 'hidden' belief system, or of how we might change it and make it more benevolent and supportive.
Everything we do is for a reason - the conscious mind can be unaware of it - but the subconscious mind will know it!
The sub-conscious beliefs we now hold began in our childhood. We have encountered - or perhaps subconsciously 'set-up' - experiences that have since reinforced and expanded these beliefs until they are running our lives like an 'auto-pilot.' We also create a 'negative filter' that only allows in that which confirms the sub-conscious beliefs; and in this way they become even stronger and 'self-fulfilling'.
What we experience on the outside is then a reflection of what we believe on the inside! The beliefs and behaviours set up by our 'child-mind' seemed like the best way for us to keep ourselves safe and to avoid rejection, abandonment and pain - when we were small. However, these behaviours do not serve us well as adults and lead to dysfunctional ways of relating to ourselves and to other people.
Some people have difficulty in setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in their life - particularly if they have been traumatised or neglected as a child.
Of course, other people also have their own negative sub-conscious 'programming' and this can cause even more problems between us! We owe it to ourselves, our family, our partner, our colleagues and particularly our children; to take responsibility to clear away the harmful and painful old programming that gets in our own way in the present day”.