Many self development sites try to tackle
loneliness, presenting it as problem that needs to be quickly addressed less it
leads to serious depression. Yet what these articles fail to mention most of
the time is that loneliness is actually an emotion that people experience once
in a while.
Social stigma on loneliness has been so strong,
especially in its portrayal in mainstream media, that some people get depressed
even just by thinking about the possibility of being alone. Perhaps it's time
to rethink the way we regard loneliness. Overcoming loneliness means redefining
its causes and immediate effects. Only then can you unlock lasting self
development skills that can deeply improve your personality.
Defining loneliness
We have to differentiate loneliness and solitude.
The latter refers to a person's choice to spend time alone, whether for a short
period of time or for years. Solitude actually connotes positive thoughts, and
is linked with such concepts as inner peace and tranquillity.
Meanwhile, loneliness is an emotion people feel
even if there are other people around. That bad feeling when you're in a party
packed with acquaintances yet nobody talks to you, that sinking emotion that
grips you when you're at home and it's raining and nobody's there to cook soup
for you, that feeling of longing you encounter during long cold holidays alone
in the city - that's loneliness. For other people, loneliness can be triggered
by the loss of a loved one, a pet, or a special object of affection.
What causes loneliness?
There are three factors that constitute loneliness.
The first factor involves unmet needs for social
inclusion. Everyone wants to be included in a social group, no matter how big
or small. Loneliness occurs when you have a strong urge to be included in a
group, yet this need is not met.
The second factor involves an individual's ability
to regulate emotions. All people get upset at times, but others take
distressing situations heavily and bear it by themselves, thereby intensifying
the pain they are experiencing.
The third factor is concerned with internal
expectations and self-reasoning. Lonely people usually think that they are
already exerting extra effort to connect with other people, yet in truth, they
are hardly doing anything. Because of this, they get disappointed easily when
nobody responds to their need for companionship.
To change the course of things, a new frame of mind
is needed.
Overcoming loneliness
As was discussed above, loneliness is not a result
of bad social skills, but is actually more of an internal matter. So to
overcome loneliness, the only self development path that you could take is one
that changes personal beliefs and internal reasoning. Here are some tips that
can help you get through with loneliness:
1. Being alone is not necessarily bad. Internalise
the positive concept of solitude or finding inner peace by being alone.
Discover how satisfying it is to conduct an inner dialogue with the self, and
clearing the mind of negative ideas. Solitude can help you get to know
yourself, your beliefs, and your ideals. Try it. I'm sure you'll also have an
"a-ha" moment when you discover something new about yourself in a
moment of solitude.
2. Not having lots of friends doesn't make you a
bad person. Unlike what Facebook and networking sites have us to believe, we
only need a couple of friends to survive in this world. You need real friends,
not a hundred acquaintances from different parties you frequent.
3. The path to self development is paved with
acceptance. Learn how to accept your personal limitations and don't be too hard
on yourself. Setting a high standard might sound nice, but if it makes you
unhappy all the time, then it might be the time to change your perspectives.
Author:
Paul V Bailey
